What I Learned Going From Fat Teenager To Male Model

(This is me now)

I used to be able to take lick my own nipples – and I’m not flexible. I once hid a leaf in my bellybutton for a 30hr+ plane ride to see if my bellybutton was deep enough to keep it there for the whole trip. It was.

So not only was I super fat, I did weird disgusting shit too.

I’m not fat anymore though. Once I started noticing breasts and vaginas appearing all around me I decided that this whole being a fat fuck thing had to stop. I still do weird disgusting shit though.

My transformation has been slow and incremental so I have been able to digest the subtle nuances, going from fat late bloomer to male model.


This is me before.

Scaled Image 4

“When/If” Is Not Going To Give You Happiness

I went through most of my youth just making time pass for the next thing. Be it looking forward to the weekend, Christmas or dessert. Most of my thought process was spent either in the future or “if-only-I-had-x” scenarios.

I remember being a fat kid sitting on the can and just grabbing my huge belly, thinking: Man, imagine if this thing wasn’t there. I also remember looking down my body thinking: Dang, it sure would be nice to be able to see my penis. Now I’m able to see my penis. Every day. And I must admit, the novelty does fade away.

Even though I don’t look like the picture above anymore, I’m not happier when I don’t stop and think of what I used to be like. The auto response is usually just to want something bigger and better.

There’s always going to be that next thing that you think will max out the character that is your life. But guess what, Jack? Blizzard is going to keep on releasing updates and the level cap is going to keep increasing by 10 every patch. You’ll never get there. So balancing being content with a semi awesome cape and decent potion concocting skills but still striving to improve those, is what it’s all about.

To me life is like playing with Lego’s: it’s all about the process. You build shit with Lego’s so you can play cowboys & Indians when your castle/grotto/fire station is finished. But if and when you’re finished building and imagining what the game is going to be like, you move on to building a Batcave or a space station – and so the circle repeats itself.

Is this a bad thing though? We sure would have a lot less cool shit if people were just content with everything. What if the Japs were done when the first Playstation came out? We’d all still be pleasuring ourselves to triangular breasts and Lara’s omnipresent moaning. They kept on building better shit and now you can hardly tell the difference between games and reality.

So I try to keep on improving upon myself but still remembering what it was like when I wasn’t as awesome as now. When I look back on myself just a few years though, I get embarrassed over some of the things I used to say and do. This helps me appreciate what I’m all about now. So look yourself in the mirror and give yourself a pat on the back for what you are now, but seek out and recognise your shortcomings and improve upon them.

So ask yourself: What are 3 things I’d like to improve upon myself? Even better; ask your mates what they think you should work on. Let me know in the comments below.

I know I have a shitload to work on: I procrastinate like crazy, I let things I can’t control affect my mood and I steal food when I’m drunk.

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